After last month’s Social Tribes blog, you asked, “How do I build self-esteem if I’ve been burned by a Mean Girl? And how do I become a Girl Boss?” You may recall that a Girl Boss is someone who knows her worth and never settles for anything less than what she deserves. A Girl Boss has off-the-chart self-esteem.
But what is self-esteem? Put simply, it’s how you think about yourself and how worthwhile you feel. I think it’s also feeling confident within our social circles. And if we want to be our very best, we must strive for million-dollar self-esteem. In the process, we can become Girl Bosses.
I know how it feels to be burned by someone from the Mean Girl tribe. For instance, a dear friend confided recently that I had hurt her feelings. While unintentional, my sincere apology was met with argument. Rather than engage, I remained silent and listened, and listened, and then listened some more. And as I continued to listen, I drew upon my career experience with colleagues and accepted that there was nothing I could say or do to make things better. By staying silent, I gained the clarity I’ll need to work on keeping this friendship intact.
As Nataly Kogan says, “Acceptance doesn’t mean you like whatever happens. You see it with clarity instead of judgment and use that as the starting point.”
Here are the seven tips that have helped me build my own personal appeal and self-esteem. I hope you find them to be valuable:
Celebrate the small stuff. When you do something positive — no matter how small — celebrate the accomplishment. If I lose five pounds, you can bet I’m going on a shopping spree!
If something feels negative or uncomfortable, change your story so that you are part of something that uplifts you.
Practice acceptance to provide the clarity you need to see things as they are.
Identify the things you’re really good at and continue to get even better at them. Everyone is a work-in-progress, but we each have talents that make us shine within our own social circles.
Get to know yourself. By working to know who we are, what we value, and what we offer to our social circle, we will find our voice strength and be confident in our value.
Focus on solutions, not problems. Rather than dwell on the negative, take a look at the problem from the perspective of the path forward.
Set your boundaries personally, socially, and professionally. As women, we must be true to ourselves and recognize that we can’t do everything and sometimes have to say no. On a personal note, saying no and setting boundaries doesn’t only apply to commitments. When entertaining at home, my boundaries are clear – my closets are off-limits and please set that drink on a coaster!
Do you have other tips on how to build million-dollar self-esteem?